i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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