i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
