She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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