cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
