I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
