you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
