If you die in college, do you die in real life?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
