Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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