He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
