Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You ate ashes out of my bong
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
