Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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