Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
