how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
