Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
