You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
