After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
