I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
