I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
