Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
