I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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