I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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