bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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