Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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