tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
