I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
