Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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