3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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