Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
