Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
