at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
