glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
