Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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