I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
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So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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