Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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