I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
