when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
