Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
