shes about as inviting as chlamydia
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
