Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
