Nicole vs. Life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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