Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm at about main and main street
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
