Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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