ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
