Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
