I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
