i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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