someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
