chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
