What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
