last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
