his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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