Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
