the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
