somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
