I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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