it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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