there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He? As in you personified your dick?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
