i may or may not be watching the land before time
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
