help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
