Your face is a jimmy john
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
