So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
