Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
