At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
