I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
