You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
