I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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