Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
