Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
