Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
