Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
