The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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