I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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