Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
