I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
