either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
