I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
