Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
