EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Found your dick twin last night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Two words: blizzard sex
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
