So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
