Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
