I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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