I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
