I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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