i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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