THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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