Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
