My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
